


subject: ily

by jefferoni (CrowleysGlasses)



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alexander Hamilton Being an Idiot, Angst, Angst and Feels, Emails, Kinda, Love Confessions, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, No Fluff, Pre-Slash, So much angst, The Author Regrets Everything, This was a birthday present for my girlfriend, Thomas Jefferson Loves Alexander Hamilton, and now i feel bad, im so sorry, no beta we die like men, please read this its the most angsty thing ive ever written
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:20:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28152276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrowleysGlasses/pseuds/jefferoni
Summary: My Significant Bother,Many years I have waited to send this email. And many times have I rewrote it. For you see, I can’t quite find the correct phrasing for anything I try to say - no matter how many times I type this. There are no words that match your prowess and affliction for poetry. Your way with the English language is truly amazing, no others could hope to achieve the same level as you. You truly do astound me, Alexander.In all honesty, my head is wrapping around a million words. There isn’t much I can say - I fail to find a way to show what I need to say. Part of me wants to get it straight out there, and yet I find myself rambling already with nothing to stop it. I have never had a filter, we both know this rather well - especially around you, I’ve never been able to keep my mouth shut.-Admirable Antagonist and Significant Bother
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton/Thomas Jefferson
Comments: 29
Kudos: 42





	subject: ily

**Author's Note:**

> im so sorry this wasnt meant to be so sad i was supposed to write fluff  
> this is a gift for my girlfriends birthday - which was 2 days ago, im so sorry babe i didnt mean for it to go like this

Alexander hadn't exactly been expecting an email to light up his phone screen and wake him up late into a Friday night, and he isn't too pleased to see it either. Washington had practically forced him to take the two weeks leading up to Christmas off - along with his standard holidays, insisting that they would manage perfectly fine without him. He wasn't so sure of that. 

But in spite of his constant worries that the government was crashing and burning, Alexander had found himself actually enjoying his time off. He had grabbed a drink with his friends for the first time in  _ months _ , spent time for himself, hell - he even let Peggy paint his nails for him. They were now a deep green colour, the kind that glittered in the right lighting. Peggy was certainly pleased with them, and her happiness was infectious.

With this in mind, he reaches to grab his phone and blinks in the harsh blue light. Alexander wrinkles his nose up as his eyes struggle to adjust. He fumbles with the brightness, clumsy fingers only just managing to turn it down before he burns his retinas. It takes him half a second to register the email on his screen - his Gmail thankfully set to a nice dark theme, no longer tortured by the glaring white screen.

**_From:_ ** [ **_thomasjef@yahoo.com_ ** ](mailto:thomasjef@yahoo.com) ****

**_Sent: 01:06, December 16th, 2020_ **

**_Subject: wakey wakey motherfucker_ ** __

_ Hello, I hope this email finds you tired and sickly - unfortunately, this could not wait. Since you have decided to no longer attend work (bitch), I can't bring this to you during the day. Which is why you have it not, I pray I didn't awake you <3  _

Alexander pauses half-way through reading; one, to give his eyes a break. And two, to roll them at the pettiness. "I pray I didn't wake you up," he repeats aloud mockingly. He shakes his head and continues to read, muttering the words under his breath as he goes as always - dragging out his syllables a little longer.

_ Anyway, linked below are two PDF files - kindly read them over and email me back with some comments. This is urgent. _

_ [you better read.pdf] _

_ [these you shitbag.pdf] _

_ Get back to me, this is incredibly important. Thank you. _

_ Yours disrespectfully, _

_ \- Thomas Jefferson  _

Alexander doesn't have  _ no _ sense of humour, and Jefferson hits the nail on the head with this dry - mocking jokes that have him shaking with soft laughs. Must be the exhaustion setting in, but now he's seen these links he can't leave it until morning.

He prepares to scan the documents, note the stupid parts in his head as he typically does, memorise the paragraph numbers so he can include them in his next email. However - and this drives him  _ mad  _ \- he can’t find anything to criticise. Not one point does he disagree with, on the stance of the Equality Act, there’s nothing he can really say “no” to. He quite literally, cannot say no to this.

He grumbles his annoyances as be types out a reply to the email, gritting his teeth with a grimace. He's  _ agreeing _ with Jefferson,  _ agreeing with him _ . He can't believe it.

**_From:_ ** [ **_a.ham1776@gmail.com_ ** ](mailto:a.ham1776@gmail.com) ****

**_Sent: 01:19, December 16th, 2020_ **

**_Subject: Re: wakey wakey motherfucker_ **

_ I hope this email finds you before I do - because you woke me up, dickhead. _

_ Yeah yeah whatever, I read the email. And as much as I hate to admit it, I fail to find something I disagree with. Your wording is irritatingly precise, the ideals are everything I agree with. Don't let this go to your head, as it won't happen again. _

_ Dumbass. _

_ With intense hate, _

_ \- Alexander Hamilton  _

_ Sent from My iPhone _

He sends the email and smiles to himself. With a few flicks, Alexander turns his phone on  _ Do Not Disturb _ and switches it off, tossing it haphazardly onto his bedside table. It lands with a thwap, and he rolls over, slamming his pillow over his face. He’s so tired, he never pauses to ask himself why Jefferson is forwarding the emails to Washington, and now printing them off and handing them over as George always requests.

Against all odds, Alexander finds himself drifting off. His mind fills itself with soft images of cradling arms, and strong embraces. It brings a little smile to his face as he starts to sleep again, a sleepy sort of grin. And just as he manages to fall asleep, the hands solidify into a full body - a face he can't quite make out in his sleepy haze.

Alexander wakes up at eight o'clock in the morning, refreshed for the first time in his life. He stretches and grabs his phone, groaning as he yawns. He grabs his phone and opens his emails, turning off  _ Do Not Disturb _ . 

**_From:_ ** [ **_thomasjef@yahoo.com_ ** ](mailto:thomasjef@yahoo.com) ****

**_Sent: 01:37, December 16th, 2020_ **

**_Subject: Re: wakey wakey motherfucker_ **

_ I hope this email finds you fuming in the pits of hell! _

_ Wauh, you agree with me? That's a first! I honestly didn't see that coming - Mr "I'd Rather Die Than Agree With That Jefferson Fucker" Hamilton. _

_ That's helpful, weirdly helpful for someone like you actually. Thank you, Hamilton. I'll forward the past email back to George with the attachment name changed. Thanks - I think? _

_ Yours, ?????ly _

_ \- Thomas Jefferson  _

Oh. 

That's so strangely kind - it's odd to him. Why? And that's until Alexander re-reads how Jefferson first opened his email. Is that a challenge? 

He has never been one to turn down a challenge. Especially  _ not _ from Jefferson of all people.

**_From:_ ** [ **_a.ham1776@gmail.com_ ** ](mailto:a.ham1776@gmail.com) ****

**_Sent: 08:12, December 16th, 2020_ **

**_Subject: oh its on._ **

_ This email has found you. _

_ Yes. I'm agreeing with you. Surprise! Happy birthday! Asshat. _

_ Don't act so amazed. Sometimes we can agree and still be on opposing sides. Right? _

_ Yeah. - Alexander Hamilton  _

_ Sent from my iPhone  _

Alexander smirks. Perfect. It seems perfectly threatening and ominous, a good fit for his brand after all. Mysterious. 

Oh how he wishes to be considered dark, handsome and mysterious. Most see him as annoying, loud and predictable. Maybe someone out there likes that though…

It doesn't take long for Jefferson to respond, and Alexander can only imagine him typing furiously at the last email. It makes him laugh.

**_From:_ ** [ **_thomasjef@yahoo.com_ ** ](mailto:thomasjef@yahoo.com) ****

**_Sent: 08:17, December 16th, 2020_ **

**_Subject: you better believe it is._ **

_ I hope this email finds you a broken husk of a man,  _

_ And for your information, my birthday is in April. Yours is January 11th right? I'm sure you'll be one to throw a big deal about your birthday. You seem the type. _

_ And I guess we can - but I was expecting you to at least disagree with the working of my essay.  _

_ \- Jefferson _

Alexander huffs out: one, the shortness and swiftness the email carries, and two, the opening. How is he supposed to top that?  _ A broken husk of a man _ … that’s incredible. Where did he come up with that?! It takes him a long minute to figure out what to say - and this conversation seems oddly civil compared to their… other email conversations. Which are full of pictures of cacti and toilet brushes, all captioned  _ “you.” _

**_From:_ ** [ **_a.ham1776@gmail.com_ ** ](mailto:a.ham1776@gmail.com) ****

**_Sent: 08:31, December 16th, 2020_ **

**_Subject: ur a p_ **

_ My Admirable Antagonist, you bastard weasel man, how dare you come up with the best email opening my eyes have ever read. That's really not fair. How am I supposed to compete? _

_ Yes, my birthday is January 11th, how'd you know? Stalking me now, huh? On that note: what day in April? I'm rather curious. _

_ Did you mean… wording? Lmao. _

_ \- Alexander  _

_ Sent from my iPhone  _

He admits to himself, that Admirable Antagonist likely comes across a  _ lot _ more flirtatious than he intends, but he only realises that after he sends it, and Alexander doesn't care to correct himself. He just stretches his arms above his head and forces himself out of bed. Alexander takes a long, deep breath and lets it out as a groan, letting his neck crack as he twists side to side. His phone dings remarkably quickly, and the sound rings through his head.

**_From:_ ** [ **_thomasjef@yahoo.com_ ** ](mailto:thomasjef@yahoo.com)

**_Sent: 08:38, December 16th, 2020_ **

**_Subject: aww thanks x_ **

_ Admirable antagonist? Isn’t that sweet. Well, paper rat, i'm glad I managed to let you read something as amazing as that. It took me most of the time typing the email to come up with it.  _

_ January 11th? I’m afraid I’ll likely miss it - so, happy birthday, Alexander.  _

_ Yes. I meant wording, haha _

_ \- Tom _

Tom..? It’s only once Alexander checks it that he realises how strange it is to think about Jefferson being anything other than… Jefferson. It’s one thing to exclusively use each other’s last names (even if their tone is  _ more _ than flirtatious,) and it’s another to use  _ first names,  _ let alone  _ nicknames!  _ Tom - it’s so strangely endearing. Especially when he has a good think about it because he’s not stupid - and… Thomas well, Thomas is  _ hot _ right? Alexander isn’t blind, he  _ knows _ when someone is hot… but Thomas is more than hot. He’s attractive! Alexander finds him attractive-! He’s tall, dark and handsome, muscular and sculpted. It’s insane to him. Because he’s smart too, it’s not fair! He can keep up with Alexander in the ways of words and debates. It’s annoying. It’s attractive. Which makes it annoying. Ugh!

**_From:_ ** [ **_a.ham1776@gmail.com_ ** ](mailto:a.ham1776@gmail.com)

**_Sent: 08:44, December 16th, 2020_ **

**_Subject: kisses? flirt._ **

He isn’t sure why he makes the subject what he does, but it gives his heart a little flutter - seeing the kisses. 

_ It isn’t supposed to be sweet! It’s supposed to annoy you, - motherfucker. And I’m not a rat, how could you? Your rudeness is beyond comprehension or words of disagreement. Disgusting. Rats are dirty, gross creatures, I am the pinnacle of attraction and cleanliness. I think YOU are the rat here, Tom. The rat in the system. I’ve figured you out - I’ll catch you soon! I will foil your plans! _

_ How would you miss it? Are you away?  _

_ Fix your spelling, idiot lmao _

_ \- Alex _

_Sent from my iPhone_

Alexander furrows his eyebrows together. Why on earth would Jefferson be away? Doing what? Especially around Christmas and New Years - there's never any meetings at this time. Perhaps its a vacation, or maybe it is a business meeting and Alexander simply hasn't been notified yet. Who can say?

Over the course of that day, and the one after that they sent emails back and forth, everytime with a new opener including things such as, " _ Admirable Antagonist", "Ignorant paper rat"  _ and, Alexander's personal favourite,  _ "flamboyant, egocentric, danger to society."  _ Of course he's kidding - or he thinks he is. (He is.)

Alexander isn't expecting to open his email on the morning of the 18th, and he certainly isn't expecting it to be… some sort of… confession? Oh god- the subject… his heart skips a beat

**_From:_ ** [ **_thomasjef@yahoo.com_ ** ](mailto:thomasjef@yahoo.com) ****

**_Sent: 10:17, December 18th, 2020_ **

**_Subject: ily_ **

_ My Significant Bother, _

_ Many years I have waited to send this email. And many times have I rewrote it. For you see, I can’t quite find the correct phrasing for anything I try to say - no matter how many times I type this. There are no words that match your prowess and affliction for poetry. Your way with the English language is truly amazing, no others could hope to achieve the same level as you. You truly do astound me, Alexander. _

_ In all honesty, my head is wrapping around a million words. There isn’t much I can say - I fail to find a way to show what I need to say. Part of me wants to get it straight out there, and yet I find myself rambling already with nothing to stop it. I have never had a filter, we both know this rather well - especially around you, I’ve never been able to keep my mouth shut. _

_ I falter as I type, but with the paragraphs I have left - I should put out there what I’ve been meaning to for years… _

_ I long for you. I long for the gentle brush of your fingertips over the backs of my knuckles, I long to feel your smooth expanse of skin against my own. I desperately long for the feeling of love once more, the kind I felt with my last darling. Many years I have longer for every part of you, and wish I could give myself to you. I long to hold your hands, to go on romantic, sappy dates. I long for the things couples do, and I long to do it all with you. _

_ I desire that feeling of waking up next to someone once more, for that sleepy talk as we lie next to each other. To be making breakfasts, for that smell of frying in the kitchen. All those little things… those little things I will never experience again. Those are the things I shall miss forever.  _

_ It’s rather sad that only now, as I lay here awaiting my final breath, that I have finally worked up the courage to admit to you that I - Thomas Jefferson - well, I love you. I love you, and I was too much of a coward to admit it until now. _

_ I am truly sorry, for my life may be coming to an end, but yours has so many years to live. Never stop fighting, Alexander. Never stop. You’re a storm, and you trip yourself up because of it but I beg of you - don’t give up. You’re all this world has left. Keep on fighting. _

_ Your Admirable Antagonist, _

_ Thomas Jefferson.  _

Alexander drops his phone. 

Thomas Jefferson is in love with him.

Thomas Jefferson is  _ dying. _

Thomas Jefferson is  _ dying  _ but he’s in  _ love _ with him.

His phone hits the floor with a clatter and his hands shake. Thomas not taking the paperwork to Washington himself, Thomas not being around for his birthday, Thomas having enough time in his usual busy days to email Alexander back and forth. It starts to add up. He’s  _ dying. _

**_From:_ ** [ **_a.ham1776@gmail.com_ ** ](mailto:a.ham1776@gmail.com)

**_Sent: 10:49, December 18th, 2020_ **

**_Subject: Re: ily_ **

_ I love you too _

_Sent from my iPhone_

Thomas Jefferson dies, December 18th at 10:46 am, with James Madison by his side. He never sees Alexander’s email.

**Author's Note:**

> leave kudos and comments! i do not write for you to ignore those buttons! comments fuel me!


End file.
